Toy on the table

Hi sweetest girl,

You are starting to resist naps big time. I even went so far today as to gate us into your bedroom, lay down on the yellow couch in your room, and pretend to sleep in hopes that you'd do the same. No dice. I think I even fell asleep for a few minutes because when I opened my eyes again you'd emptied out the contents of your dresser onto the floor. Then, when I had given up hope and was about to take you to the grocery store to get dinner, you started your trademark "nobody loves me" whine and I gave you a pacifier and rocked you for ten seconds and you were gone.

I can't start dinner, because dinner ingredients are still at the grocery store, and I can't very well leave because you're asleep.

So I started working and on the table was one of your toys. I could picture the future moment when you would be out the door, away at college, and there would be no toys on the table. I didn't even have a second to be irritated that I had to put yet another toy away, because I could feel time dissolving the distance between now and then. Today, you're getting closer to being a full time walker, tomorrow, you're taking that acceptance letter and packing for some college that is probably not as close as SFSU or even Berkeley.

I'm glad the house doesn't have to be perfect, that I don't have to rush to put away the toys you skattered on the floor, that I don't scream in agony when I have to pick up the clothes you ripped out of your dresser that I did just neatly fold and put away.

I'm glad, at least today, that I can smile about it. I can see far enough into the future to enjoy the toy on the table while you're asleep in your crib, 144 inches, not miles, away.

I love you stinky-dink,
Mamama