Befriending the green-eyed monster

Hi little one,

Someday when you are older, you will be able to match the feeling of jealousy with the word. Oddly enough, you're inheriting jealousy from me, not your father. He is one of the few Mexican men that isn't jealous, and I didn't think that I was either, but my roots are showing.

My first hint of jealousy is anger. Usually when I feel angry, underneath the anger is jealousy. I feel like someone else has something that I want, something that I think would make my life better, make me happier, and their life is better because they have this - whatever this is.

I see this in you, too. Your Dadada will hug me, and you scream from the floor. He's taking your Mamama away from you. Is this true? Not in the slightest, because really, although you don't know it, you want your parents to be happy together. I'm guessing you see this as a loss, a theft, because Dadada is getting my attention instead of you.

It's okay, my love, I do this all the time. I get jealous of others for having something I want - sometimes it's just the fact that they live by themselves and get to have all the quiet and solitude I used to enjoy. I don't want this all the time, because I miss you terribly if we're apart for a whole day, but sometimes I want to be by myself and I find it's impossible. I see someone else living by themselves and I want what I think they have. The funny thing about jealousy though, is it usually happens in both directions. The friend I envy because she lives alone probably envies me because I have you and your Dadada. I have a family, and she wants that.

I also get jealous of friends that are home all the time with their Ava's because they have that luxury of time I don't think I have in juggling work, you, Dadada, and a slice of time for me. But I would bet some of them are jealous that I have work to go to, that I'm not at home all the time. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. That's the thing about jealousy, you never know, but it messes everyone up just the same.

Jealousy can be more than just an irritation though. Jealousy, when used properly, can be really useful. Jealousy can be something like an alarm, signaling action. If I can look at jealousy as something to learn from rather than hide and avoid, maybe I can teach you about that too.

When I feel jealous of my friend with her own place, maybe instead of being bitter and angry, what my jealousy is really telling me is that I need some time to myself. I need a Julie Day and I need to ask for help in getting some time alone.

When I am jealous of others that have more time with their Ava's, maybe really what I need is to enjoy the time I have with you. On our days together I don't need to rush around doing errands that are of minor importance as long as we have milk in the refrigerator. We can just play on the living room floor and you can show me what you've learned since our last day together. Instead of feeling angry that we don't have enough time, when I'd be a nervous wreck if I wasn't working, I can be grateful for the time I do have.

As for you, my little pumpkin, I can tell you that your Dadada isn't taking anything away from you when he cuddles with me on the couch, really what he's giving you is happy parents. I don't expect this will make sense yet. What I can do though is work on my own jealousy and use it as a barometer rather than a mosquito bite, and maybe your jealousy will sort itself out too.