Alphabet sleeping

Hi my sweet girl,

Sleeping is always an event with a surprise beginning around here. You don't have a predictable bedtime, unless predictable can be defined as plus or minus an hour, and where you fall asleep is even more unpredictable. Sometimes you fall asleep on the living room floor, sometimes you fall asleep next to me in bed, sometimes you fall asleep in my arms in the rocking chair, but almost never do you fall asleep solo in your crib.

I know, in Mom School they told me that I'm supposed to teach you to fall asleep in your crib, even if it means you're crying forever. Usually I only use that as a tool to get you sleepy. I'll put you in your crib when I know you just need to cry for a bit to get good and tired, then I'll take you out after about five minutes and rock you or hold you until you drift off.

Before you could stand up I'd let you cry laying down, but when you're standing up in your crib, holding your arms out, I fall for the trap and pick you up. I reason that you're only this little for a short while, and it's an indulgence for myself as well as you.

The other mystery of every night is where you end up sleeping. Some nights I put you in your crib after you fall asleep. Then your Dadada falls asleep on the couch in front of the TV, because he knows I won't sleep with the TV on in the bedroom, and we all sleep stretched out in different places.

Then some nights, Dadada sleeps with me, or just you sleep with me, but the nights my heart loves most but my back likes least is ones like last night, when we all sleep in the same bed.

The night starts out with us all sleeping parallel, like I's. Then you shift in the middle of the night and we become an H or even an N. Last night I woke up at some pre-dawn hour and saw we were an upside-down A, your Dadada and I the angles and you the center cross. A bit later you started crying and I pulled you close. We became a V.

I know, at Mom School they said I shouldn't get you used to sleeping with me, but to them I stick out my tongue and say PPTHTTTT! You don't want to sleep with us every night and some nights I feel you just want to be close to us, that you need extra comfort, extra love. What's the harm in that? I'm reminded of a story my friend Stef once recounted about a mother-daughter pair who slept in the same bed, the mother's point being "Who wants to sleep alone?"

Tonight though, you fell asleep in the car on the way home from Nana's and we put you right into your crib. I'll see you in the morning, my love.

Mamama