First solo flight

My little one,

Last night was rough. The night started off deceptively easy as you fell asleep in my arms as Dadada and I were watching "Honeymoon in Vegas" on TV. I felt the utter and complete peace that washes over me when you rest your head against my chest and doze off. This bliss is only surpassed by the fabulous hormone rush when you were still nursing that could put us both to sleep.

But then, you were awake off and on for the next couple hours, at one point screaming out for five minutes with your eyes shut. I blame that pesky new tooth, because it's a convenient nemesis for my blame, but after we watched you scream forever, I got the Tylenol ready while your Dadada picked you up. Even in sleep, I reasoned, you shouldn't have to be in so much pain.

After that, you slept for a bit longer in your crib, but when you woke again a couple hours later, I pulled you into bed with me. You were on fire, my love, and not in a good way. Your little body could have heated our whole house. I thought twice that I should put a pillow on the other side of you, just in case you started your typical wild rolling, but didn't do anything about it.

Yes, I lived to regret that. Sometime in the middle of the night, you rolled over and plummeted to the floor and started screaming. I wanted to join you in screaming, believe me! I felt completely awful, hugging you close to me, vowing to not let you fall again. If only I had followed my instincts!

I put you back in my bed, knowing there was no way you would sleep in your crib tonight, putting a couple pillows and a rolled up blanket on the other side of you. You tossed and turned and there was pretty much no way I would fall asleep for fear you'd roll over the pillows and onto the floor again.

Finally, I came up with a solution that would keep you from rolling off, but gave me the worst backache I've had in a while. I put us both on the hard yellow couch in your room, you on the inside, me on the out, and we slept like that for the rest of the night.

At 8AM we both woke, and I felt like some giant person had sat on me in the middle of the night.

Now it's nearly noon, and you could use a nap, I could use a nap, but as I started to open my laptop, I just witnessed your first solo flight, little fledgling. You were holding onto the table leg, facing away from me, and you let go, taking one...two...three...four steps all by yourself.

Tears moistened my eyes as I watched these steps. I felt so honored, that on this sleep-deprivation Sunday, I just witnessed your first solo flight.

Now you have fallen asleep in my lap as I've been typing one handed. Those four steps are enough to tire you out, and I'm going to gently put you down in your crib, not on my bed, because I got the lesson at 3AM.

love always,
Mamama