Euphamisms in the bathroom

Someday you will probably want to throw me fully dressed into a large, cold, swimming pool for what I'm about to write, but for now, I have to share because it's so cute it's funny.

For the longest time, like three or four months now, you've had a training toilet. No, it's not a potty because I hate that non-word. Okay, so Merriam Webster's online dictionary says this is a word, but that doesn't mean it is a word I like. As a word it sounds condescending, as if a the word toilet is so multi-syllablic or foreign that a toddler can't understand.

In our house we don't use that word, but instead we say "pee pee." This doesn't bug me and I can live with the hypocracy.

Up until the last couple weeks of training toilet ownership, you've used your toilet as a place to sit fully clothed while someone else is using the big toilet. You insist on having a square of toilet paper to wipe the back of your pants, right about where your sacrum is. Then you have to throw your square of paper into the big toilet so you can watch it flush.

But since you've started at school you have a new routine. We ask you now if you want to "go pee pee" and you shreek, delightely, as if this was better than Elmo and Nemo on a joint Saturday morning special "go pee pee! go pee pee!"

Then you want to strip. This would be highly understandable if you just wanted to pull your pants down and your Dora easy up diaper. (Elmo diapers weren't allowed in our house any more once you wore your first Dora.) But alas, you want to take off every shred of clothing to go pee pee on your training toilet.

"Shirt off!" you say authoritatively. "Shoes off! Socks off! Pants off! Diaper off!" until we have a bare naked Ava sitting on her training toilet to go pee pee.

But you don't actually pee. You just sit there grinning, naked, sitting on your royal plastic throne. Someday, I'm certain, going pee pee will actually produce urine, and not just a naked Ava.